A dilemma
Lately I’ve been bouncing between two extremes at work: wanting to Make a Difference and just Collecting a Paycheck. There are times at my job where I really want to fight for something, a design or a new feature, and sometimes I win—Making a Difference. Other times I realize it’s not worth the fight and so I give up—Collecting a Paycheck. Making a difference is great for the soul, but is it worth the aggravation and stress that comes along with it? Sitting back and collecting a paycheck is easy and carefree, but will I feel empty years later when I look back at what I’ve done with my life?
When I’m collecting a paycheck I feel like my free time is more important, and that I’ve got my priorities right. Or what the general consensus would say are the right priorities—family and friends first, work second. One of my favorite quotes: “On their deathbed, no one ever said ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office.’” But do I want to look back and see that 33%+ of my life was spent just doing what I was told, not what I believed in?
When I’m making a difference I feel alive—the code flows out of my fingers and the day flies by. I don’t mind working late to just finish up this one feature. I’m at home, thinking of little tweaks and updates. This is when family and friends start to move down the totem pole a little. Being at home becomes a distraction from what I should be doing. Is that any way to live a life?
There are times at work when I feel—when I know—that my opinion doesn’t matter to the decision makers and that things are just going to be a certain way , no matter how clear it might be to everyone else that we’re moving in the wrong direction. At these times trying to Make a Difference just leads to disappointment—you can’t win. The boss wants it a certain way, and that’s just how it’s going to be. That when it’s time to go into paycheck mode. Just do what you’re told , the boss will be happy (the customers, they’re a different story).
I feel like someone who just collects a paycheck isn’t the guy who becomes CEO of the company one day. But do I want to be that guy? Do I want even more stress and responsibility for things that, in the long run, really don’t matter? Or do I just enjoy my small victories when I can get them, do a good job from 9 to 5 and then come home and Make a Difference with the people that really matter?